Why You Need to Address Employee Conflict Head-On
Like what you see? Consider subscribing to get the latest articles here.
Many well-meaning managers struggle to gain the respect of their employees because they avoid addressing employee conflict head-on.
Instead of having a conversation with their employee, they do one of three things.
They avoid the conversation entirely.
They gossip about the employee to someone else.
They choose a passive method of discipline, like writing them up for violating the employee handbook.
Each path erodes trust. None builds a high-performance culture.
The cost of avoidance
What you permit, you promote.
Most managers do not realize it, but you can control what you allow in your organization. So, when you do not address conflict, the message that you are accidentally sending to that individual for their underperformance, or if they undermine you or someone else on the team, is that that behavior is okay.
Not every employee is being malicious. Plenty of good people underperform or step outside team norms by accident. If no one tells them, they repeat it. Over time, these unspoken misses compound and undermine the teammates who are doing it right.
The trap of gossip
In some cases, managers take their frustrations with one employee and express them as gossip to another. For example, they may go to Fred and say, “Sarah has been driving me nuts. She is not getting her WIPs done on time. I am getting really sick of dealing with it from her, and I’m so glad that you do such a good job with your WIPs.”
Fred now feels like he is inside the circle of trust. He joins the gripe session. Two problems have just formed:
You taught a rule: gossip is acceptable here.
You planted a doubt: if you’ll gossip about Sarah to Fred, you’ll gossip about Fred to someone else. Subconsciously, Fred will wonder what you say about him when he’s not around.
The byproduct is a team constantly wondering what’s said in other rooms. That’s the opposite of a high-trust culture.
The false comfort of the handbook
Policy is important. Hiding behind it isn’t leadership. When you default to “the company” or “the handbook” to deliver discipline, you’re dodging the responsibility of a candid conversation. It annoys high performers, confuses average performers, and rarely changes behavior.
The obvious question: if the behavior matters, why not just talk to the person directly? Why do you need to make it about the handbook?
What to do instead
If you want respect, be the kind of manager who faces conflict with clarity and care. Here are a few tips you can try today:
Address underperformance or undermining behaviors as soon as possible (within 24–48 hours at the latest). Speed shows the standard matters.
Do it privately, in person (or live video). No emails. No drive-by comments. Get face-to-face and stick it out.
Lead with facts, then impact. “Two WIP reports have been late this month. When that happens, our cash forecast is off and the team scrambles.”
Set the new standard and help. “Going forward, WIPs are due Friday at noon. I’ll review the template with you today, and we’ll set a calendar reminder. This has to be better going forward.”
Document the agreement. Short recap email: what changes, by when, and how you’ll measure it.
Follow through. Praise the improvement. Confront the misses.
This is supportive and direct. It respects the person and protects the team.
A quick self-audit
If you’re unsure where you stand, ask yourself:
Did I avoid a recent hard conversation with an underperforming/undermining employee?
Have I vented about someone to a teammate instead of to the person?
Do I ever cite “policy” because I’m uncomfortable being direct?
If you answered yes to any of these, you’ve got an immediate opportunity to lead better today.
If you’re building a culture of excellence and want your emerging managers to handle conflict with clarity and respect, we’ve been running a lot of conflict-management sessions lately for exactly this reason. If that would help your team, reach out, and we’ll compare notes.
Spark Notes:
Too many managers dodge direct conversations by avoiding issues, gossiping, or hiding behind policy—and every one of those choices quietly erodes trust and performance.
When you fail to address conflict, you unintentionally endorse the very behavior that’s dragging the team down, allowing small misses to compound into big cultural problems.
Gossip feels like relief in the moment, but it trains your team to distrust you and each other, creating a culture where everyone wonders what’s being said behind closed doors.
Real leadership means addressing issues quickly, privately, and directly—using facts, setting clear standards, and following through—because that’s how you earn respect and build a high-performance team.
